Do ageist thoughts and fears hold you back from making change or trying new things?

Do you want to experience more joy day-to-day and celebrate progress toward your goals?

These are some of the things we discussed on a recent Late Bloomer LIving Podcast, with host Yvonne Marchese, a 56-year-old roller skating, paddleboarding Age Agitator, Play Instigator, photographer and podcast host. She also hosts workshops to help people infuse more play in their lives. If you’re not following her on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube yet, start today! She’s very inspiring. (I also did a little Instagram profile of her here.)

I’ve shared a few (lightly edited) snippets from our conversation below in case you haven’t had time to catch up on podcasts lately…

Noticing and pushing back on internalized ageism

Yvonne Marchese: “We are fed a steady diet of ageism from the time we are little… it’s mostly negative stereotypes, and I still struggle with it, even though I know intellectually that it’s just ageism. It’s still there. I’m not saying it goes away just because you suddenly have an A-HA moment. It is like a constant rediscovery and noticing in myself of, ‘oh, look at that. I’m doing it again… Oh my gosh. I am telling myself a story about getting older that is not necessarily true.'”

Lisa Murphy: “…people are doing incredible things at all ages, so intellectually, we know that we can do a lot in our older years, but there can be those internalized ageist thoughts in your mind, like, ‘it’s too late to start again’. ‘Nobody would ever hire me because I’m older. I’m stuck here. I made my choices. It’s too late. Being old means, you know, losing things, losing my faculties, losing my mobility.’ …yet you probably heard that people who … have a positive view of aging live on average 7.5 years longer.“

Yvonne Marchese: “Yeah, man, awareness is like the the first step in anything, isn’t it? I think that for me starting to meditate in my late 40s, to meditate daily… started to shift everything for me… You know, there’s this misconception with meditation that you want to quiet your mind, but you never can. But what you can do is notice what keeps coming up, what’s on loop—is it real, or isn’t it real, you know—and the minute we start to notice, I think that’s when we have agency.”

Lisa Murphy: “The first step is to actually notice the thought, fear or limiting belief, whether it is internalized ageism or otherwise… It can be very helpful to get into a regular habit of thinking about what you’re grateful for, but also thinking about, you know, what you’re struggling with, or what some of your challenges are. And so when you start to think about, you know, ‘I’m interested in going back to school, but I’m too old for that,’ or ‘it’s not possible.’ Ask yourself that question, that famous Byron Katie question:,’is that true?’ I mean, could I prove that in a court of law?’… And then noticing, when I think that that’s true, what does that make me feel? It makes me feel very limited and unhappy. So what is an alternative thought, which could be, you know, ‘I’m learning that it’s possible to try something new when I’m older.'”

On celebrating progress

Yvonne Marchese: “…sometimes I’ll do some task or work that feels painful to me around my business… and then I’ll fist pump and dance when I get up from my desk. It’s ridiculous, but it it perks me up.”

Lisa Murphy: “It is so powerful to do that, to really acknowledge that you did a step, however small. You’re also right about reminding yourself that you have made progress. There’s two ways that I do that. So, you know, I have my to-do list, but I also have my done list, and so I’m tracking what I’ve done and I include not just work things. I mean, all of the invisible labour that we do as women. So I’m including social posts, I did this work thing, I coached this person, I supported my friend, I made the doctor’s appointment. I’m including it all, because we discount a lot of the things we do. So I’ve got that done list, which is very helpful and makes me feel good. On top of that, I’m always asking myself, ‘What am I happy that I did today? What am I happy that I did yesterday?’ To remind myself that I did make progress. It’s a habit that we can create to help us feel more confident in our ability to do things.”

Yvonne Marchese: “I think one change, it’s going to lead to other changes. The minute you start… it leads to something else. And it doesn’t mean it’s going to upend your life, either. It could be that it just makes you appreciate what you’re already doing more.”

On trying to achieve balance in our lives

Lisa Murphy: “A lot of women in particular, are often seeking balance, like, ‘if I just do all of these things, then I’ll have balance’. But [author Oliver Burkeman’s] point is that there is no such thing as A) getting it all done and B) true balance. We need to make decisions about what’s most important for that day. Realizing, ‘okay, you know, there’s always going to be a little chaos in life, but I’m going to decide to include movement in this day. I’m deciding to focus on something that’s really going to push my goal forward a little bit, even a tiny bit. Or I’m deciding that I’m going to give myself rest, maybe even a nap.’ And so when we start to make decisions, then we start to kind of control what our days in our lives are focused on, and how we feel about it.”

On examining fear to move forward

Lisa Murphy: “…fear is just such a huge issue for so many of us, and it can really hold us back. And I sometimes take issue with that expression of ‘feel the fear and do it anyway,’ because it kind of suggests that ‘brave people’ just do it. I prefer, ‘understand the fear and do it anyway.’ And so with my coaching clients, I typically share a [Tim Ferriss] exercise where you’re actually kind of examining the fear, thinking about, okay, how can I prevent it from happening? What would I do if it actually happens? You know, what’s at risk if I don’t take action despite the fear? …If I don’t take action because of the fear, what am I going to lose? …What if I lose the opportunity to learn and grow because I’m too afraid to go back to school? Or, you know, what if I don’t take the chance?… “We’re so worried about what could happen, you know, we’re not really thinking about the cost of not pursuing something that you’re interested in…. It’s also such a helpful question to ask yourself, if you’re feeling really stuck: ‘what will I regret?’

On finding 50+ inspiration and the 50ForwardClub feed

Lisa Murphy: “North American women often live until 82 you know; we’ve got some good time ahead of us here, God willing. So [launching] the 50ForwardClub Instagram feed just felt like a really great way to remind myself, but also to reach other women and to remind them that, you know, there’s so much possibility in our 50s or 60s or 70s, and we don’t [necessarily] have to reinvent ourselves. We can just kind of come back in touch with who we are.”

Yvonne Marchese: “I have to say, when I started Late Bloomer Living, I was very focused on the idea of reinvention, kind of from a self-improvement angle. And what I have found over the past 5+ years that I’ve been doing this, is that it really isn’t about self-improvement or reinvention… It really is a rediscovering. It’s like trying to get closer to who I’ve always been and maybe stuffed down as I started adulting.”

Yvonne Marchese: “I hear the ageist comments from people. It is non-stop from from everyone. So it is all around you. So what I do is, I fill my Instagram feed, I fill my life, with as many examples of people doing incredible things at later in life stages. That’s why I love 50ForwardClub, because it’s a reminder for me. So it’s helping me rewrite the story. I was brainwashed to think that age is this one thing, and now I’m trying to brainwash myself to think that no, aging [can be different]….”

What motivates me as a coach

Lisa Murphy: “I absolutely love my work. I am a midlife coach, working with midlife women who are feeling stuck, who are feeling like it may be too late to try something new, who are extremely self critical. And by doing coaching together, [it’s] really helping them create more joy and purpose in their lives—and also confidence. It’s such a pleasure to work with women and help them make that journey, because we all know there’s just so many women who are putting themselves down and holding themselves back, and they have so much to offer.”

Lisa Murphy: “Coaching tools and coaching conversations can help anyone of any age, any gender. I wish that we were all taught this in school, because it’s just so helpful. But I just know so many midlife women who are struggling and are really down on themselves, and are feeling very trapped, exhausted, burned out, and so I want to help those women. It’s just so important to me. And of course, there’s also perimenopause and menopause—holy moly, that just adds another extremely challenging element to the mix. Midlife women need support, and I feel very honoured and blessed to be able to help people. It really lights me up.”

Learn more by booking a free coaching consultation with me. My clients can confirm that coaching can help you gain confidence, combat negative self talk and achieve goals that truly fulfill you. You’ll find even more information in my Frequently Asked Questions About Coaching section.